The Problem with Persuasion

Influence trumps persuasion.
According to a recent Amazon.com search there are 1,668 books available on the topic of persuasion. The question is, do you really want to be persuading people, or do you want to be influencing them?

Webster’s defines persuade

as

to move by argument, entreaty, or expostulation to a belief, position, or course of action

And influence as

the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command

Keeping these definitions in mind, which do you want to master?

I don’t know about you, but I am not inspired by the idea of moving people by argument. I am, however, inspired by the idea that I can produce an effect without the exercise of command. Unfortunately most people are running around trying to persuade other people to see or do things their way. The problem with persuasion is that it causes resistance. The definition of persuasion is argument, and who wants to be argued with, especially when it causes the other person to reject most, if not all, of what we have to say?

Has this ever happened to you? Read carefully: Have you ever not done something you wanted to do because someone else wanted you to do it? Think about that for a minute. Yes, we all have done this, and people do it to us all the time. People will deliberately not do what they want to do because they know someone wants them to. In other words, someone is trying to persuade them.

Here is a real-life example. You go to a store or retail outlet to buy—not shop, buy—something you need or want. You have decided today is the day you’re going to bite the bullet and buy the thing. Let’s say also that this store is one that requires the assistance of a salesperson. (Oh no, not a salesperson!) It could be a jewelry store, car dealership, electronics store, anywhere. You spot the thing you are looking for, ask to see it, and then bam! The salesperson jumps on it. You can just feel that they really want you to buy it, and they push for you to do so. How many times in your life have you left a store without the very thing that you wanted simply because you felt the salesperson was really trying to persuade you to make the purchase. How did you feel? Pushed, sold, disrespected? When has the shoe been on the other foot? When have you tried to persuade someone of something and they declined to see it your way? How did you feel?

Here’s another example. You’re driving in a busy parking lot searching for a parking spot. You have been circling and now you see a person walking down your row to their car. They see that you are waiting. Does it seem like they take extra time to get in the car, get situated and back out, or is that your imagination? Studies have actually shown that when a driver knows someone is waiting for their spot, they take much longer to vacate the spot. Why? They know you want it, and they don’t want to give it up.

The big secret about persuasion is that it doesn’t really work. It produces resistance. The key to getting what you want is the art of inspired influence. How do you influence people? The short answer is you have to be in service to them. How do you do that? Two ways: using curiosity to help them get what they really want and getting over the attachment of what’s in it for me. The next newsletter will explore ways in which we can move toward influence and away from persuasion. Look for it in late October.

In the meantime, if you want to learn how to influence the people around you, there are over 18,000 books on Amazon.com about influence. To have your own experience of inspired influence, attend the upcoming Reality Selling seminar. Curious? Join us for a powerful day of inspiring influence on October 28.