Friday the 21st was my birthday! I did what I love to do, I trained a seminar. I feel so blessed that I am in control of my own business and life, and can choose what I do, and when I do it. I am truly Doing What I Love For a Living, and you can too.
Saturday night was my birthday party, I celebrated with my favorite friends and clients, it was really great. I am so lucky to be surrounded by really great, fun and loving people. The older I get the better life gets, I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that my admitted mission is life is to help have fantastic lives?...................................
Monday, October 24, 2005
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
The Problem with Persuasion
Influence trumps persuasion.
According to a recent Amazon.com search there are 1,668 books available on the topic of persuasion. The question is, do you really want to be persuading people, or do you want to be influencing them?
Webster’s defines persuade
as
to move by argument, entreaty, or expostulation to a belief, position, or course of action
And influence as
the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command
Keeping these definitions in mind, which do you want to master?
I don’t know about you, but I am not inspired by the idea of moving people by argument. I am, however, inspired by the idea that I can produce an effect without the exercise of command. Unfortunately most people are running around trying to persuade other people to see or do things their way. The problem with persuasion is that it causes resistance. The definition of persuasion is argument, and who wants to be argued with, especially when it causes the other person to reject most, if not all, of what we have to say?
Has this ever happened to you? Read carefully: Have you ever not done something you wanted to do because someone else wanted you to do it? Think about that for a minute. Yes, we all have done this, and people do it to us all the time. People will deliberately not do what they want to do because they know someone wants them to. In other words, someone is trying to persuade them.
Here is a real-life example. You go to a store or retail outlet to buy—not shop, buy—something you need or want. You have decided today is the day you’re going to bite the bullet and buy the thing. Let’s say also that this store is one that requires the assistance of a salesperson. (Oh no, not a salesperson!) It could be a jewelry store, car dealership, electronics store, anywhere. You spot the thing you are looking for, ask to see it, and then bam! The salesperson jumps on it. You can just feel that they really want you to buy it, and they push for you to do so. How many times in your life have you left a store without the very thing that you wanted simply because you felt the salesperson was really trying to persuade you to make the purchase. How did you feel? Pushed, sold, disrespected? When has the shoe been on the other foot? When have you tried to persuade someone of something and they declined to see it your way? How did you feel?
Here’s another example. You’re driving in a busy parking lot searching for a parking spot. You have been circling and now you see a person walking down your row to their car. They see that you are waiting. Does it seem like they take extra time to get in the car, get situated and back out, or is that your imagination? Studies have actually shown that when a driver knows someone is waiting for their spot, they take much longer to vacate the spot. Why? They know you want it, and they don’t want to give it up.
The big secret about persuasion is that it doesn’t really work. It produces resistance. The key to getting what you want is the art of inspired influence. How do you influence people? The short answer is you have to be in service to them. How do you do that? Two ways: using curiosity to help them get what they really want and getting over the attachment of what’s in it for me. The next newsletter will explore ways in which we can move toward influence and away from persuasion. Look for it in late October.
In the meantime, if you want to learn how to influence the people around you, there are over 18,000 books on Amazon.com about influence. To have your own experience of inspired influence, attend the upcoming Reality Selling seminar. Curious? Join us for a powerful day of inspiring influence on October 28.
According to a recent Amazon.com search there are 1,668 books available on the topic of persuasion. The question is, do you really want to be persuading people, or do you want to be influencing them?
Webster’s defines persuade
as
to move by argument, entreaty, or expostulation to a belief, position, or course of action
And influence as
the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command
Keeping these definitions in mind, which do you want to master?
I don’t know about you, but I am not inspired by the idea of moving people by argument. I am, however, inspired by the idea that I can produce an effect without the exercise of command. Unfortunately most people are running around trying to persuade other people to see or do things their way. The problem with persuasion is that it causes resistance. The definition of persuasion is argument, and who wants to be argued with, especially when it causes the other person to reject most, if not all, of what we have to say?
Has this ever happened to you? Read carefully: Have you ever not done something you wanted to do because someone else wanted you to do it? Think about that for a minute. Yes, we all have done this, and people do it to us all the time. People will deliberately not do what they want to do because they know someone wants them to. In other words, someone is trying to persuade them.
Here is a real-life example. You go to a store or retail outlet to buy—not shop, buy—something you need or want. You have decided today is the day you’re going to bite the bullet and buy the thing. Let’s say also that this store is one that requires the assistance of a salesperson. (Oh no, not a salesperson!) It could be a jewelry store, car dealership, electronics store, anywhere. You spot the thing you are looking for, ask to see it, and then bam! The salesperson jumps on it. You can just feel that they really want you to buy it, and they push for you to do so. How many times in your life have you left a store without the very thing that you wanted simply because you felt the salesperson was really trying to persuade you to make the purchase. How did you feel? Pushed, sold, disrespected? When has the shoe been on the other foot? When have you tried to persuade someone of something and they declined to see it your way? How did you feel?
Here’s another example. You’re driving in a busy parking lot searching for a parking spot. You have been circling and now you see a person walking down your row to their car. They see that you are waiting. Does it seem like they take extra time to get in the car, get situated and back out, or is that your imagination? Studies have actually shown that when a driver knows someone is waiting for their spot, they take much longer to vacate the spot. Why? They know you want it, and they don’t want to give it up.
The big secret about persuasion is that it doesn’t really work. It produces resistance. The key to getting what you want is the art of inspired influence. How do you influence people? The short answer is you have to be in service to them. How do you do that? Two ways: using curiosity to help them get what they really want and getting over the attachment of what’s in it for me. The next newsletter will explore ways in which we can move toward influence and away from persuasion. Look for it in late October.
In the meantime, if you want to learn how to influence the people around you, there are over 18,000 books on Amazon.com about influence. To have your own experience of inspired influence, attend the upcoming Reality Selling seminar. Curious? Join us for a powerful day of inspiring influence on October 28.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Attachment
You’re driving in a busy parking lot searching for a parking spot. You have been circling and now you see a person walking down your row to their car. They see that you are waiting. Does it seem like they take extra time to get in the car, get situated and back out, or is that your imagination? Studies have actually shown that when a driver knows someone is waiting for their spot, they take much longer to vacate the spot. Why? They know you want it and don’t want to give it up.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Service works
The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others.
- Ghandi
Who are you in-service to? and how?
- Ghandi
Who are you in-service to? and how?
Thursday, August 18, 2005
CURIOSITY RULES!
Because I was curious today and ask about a jet airplane pin a man was using
as a tie clip, I found out that this man flew F4's in Viet Nam and was
stationed at Ubon, Thailand where I spent six months working for the Army as
a Morse code intercept operator. He flew over my compound several times a
day. (1971)
Curious is good.
Curious is fun.
Curious lights people up.
Curious is lucrative.
Of course, you knew that already.
as a tie clip, I found out that this man flew F4's in Viet Nam and was
stationed at Ubon, Thailand where I spent six months working for the Army as
a Morse code intercept operator. He flew over my compound several times a
day. (1971)
Curious is good.
Curious is fun.
Curious lights people up.
Curious is lucrative.
Of course, you knew that already.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Random Answers to Real Coaching Questions
Get your attention off yourself and on to them, it's not about you...sorry....... get curious......get in service, find out what they want.......
It sounds like you have it that this is going to be easy? Nope not easy and not without anxiety............so you can do what you have habitually done in your life and let it stop you or you can realize that you and your anxiety are right on schedule....move through it (cause the only way past it is through it), and do what it takes to have a seminar.
And...how ever you view it is how it shows up for them... thinking you are strong arming=feeling strong armed, thinking you are in service= feeling served.
It sounds too like the game might not be big enough...if you have time to worry about these things...then there is not enough intensity. How can you add intensity?
Any Guesses What the Question was???
It sounds like you have it that this is going to be easy? Nope not easy and not without anxiety............so you can do what you have habitually done in your life and let it stop you or you can realize that you and your anxiety are right on schedule....move through it (cause the only way past it is through it), and do what it takes to have a seminar.
And...how ever you view it is how it shows up for them... thinking you are strong arming=feeling strong armed, thinking you are in service= feeling served.
It sounds too like the game might not be big enough...if you have time to worry about these things...then there is not enough intensity. How can you add intensity?
Any Guesses What the Question was???
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