Influence trumps persuasion. According to a recent Amazon.com search there are 30,888 books available on the topic of persuasion. The question is, do you really want to persuade people or would you rather influence them?
Webster’s defines ‘persuade’ as this:
to move by argument, entreaty, or expostulation to a belief, position, or course of action
And Webster’s defines ‘influence’ as this:
the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command
With these definitions in mind, which do you prefer to master? Persuasion or influence? If you are like me, I am not inspired by the idea of moving people by the act of ‘argument.’ What does inspire me is the idea that I could produce a desired effect without the exercise of command! As you may already be aware, most people run around in attempt to persuade other people to see things their way or do things their way. The problem with this is it causes resistance. Persuasion actually causes resistance. As previously noted, the definition of persuasion is to move someone by argument, but who wants to be on either side of an argument? Especially when it causes the people to reject our views, it causes people to resist us, and it causes people to move quickly away from how we desire them to react!
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever not done something you wanted to do just because someone else wanted you to do it? Think about that for a minute. Yes, I believe we all have done this. And people do it to us all the time. People will deliberately not do what they want to do because they know someone wants them to do it! This is a perfect example of someone rejecting, resisting, and moving away. This is what happens when someone is trying to persuade them.
Here is just one real-life example: You go to a store or retail outlet to buy—not shop, to buy—something you really need or want. You have already decided today is the day you are going to bite the bullet and buy this one thing. Let’s also say this store is one that requires the assistance of a salesperson. (Oh no, not a salesperson!) It could be a jewelry store, car dealership, electronics store, or any other high pressure sales situation… You’re in the store. You spot that one thing, that one thing you are looking for. You ask to see it… and then, “Bam!” The salesperson jumps on it. You can just feel how much they really want you to buy it, and they push for you to do so. How many times in your life have you left a store without purchasing the very thing you wanted simply because you felt the salesperson was aggressively trying to persuade you to make the purchase. Do you remember how that situation made you feel? Did you feel pushed, sold, and or disrespected? Now, has this shoe ever been on the other foot? Have you ever tried to persuade someone to do something and they declined to see it your way? How did this make you feel? How do you suspect it made them feel?
Here’s another great example: You are driving in a busy parking lot searching for an empty parking spot. You have been circling and now you see a person walking down your row to their car. They see that you are waiting. Does it seem like they take extra time to get in the car, get situated and back out, or is that your imagination? Studies have actually shown that when a driver knows someone is waiting for their spot, they take much longer to vacate the spot. Why? They know you want it, and they don’t want to give it up. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?
The biggest secret about persuasion is that it simply doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because it produces resistance. The key to getting what you want and creating an atmosphere of cooperation is the art of “Inspired Influence.” How do you influence people? The short answer is this: You have to be “in service” to them. How do you do that? You can choose one of two ways: By using curiosity to help them get what they really want or by getting over the attachment of ‘what’s in it for you.’
In the meantime, if you want to learn how to influence people around you, there are over 180,000 books on Amazon.com about influence, including one titled Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. (WHAT?) To have your own experience of “Inspired Influence” attend an upcoming Reality Selling Seminar and join us for a powerful day of learning how you can stop trying to persuade and instead learn how to inspire through influence!
Contact:
Mattison Grey
Mattison@greystoneguides.com
832 823 2476
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